My friends, they love my intelligence
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize