this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
