How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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