Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
