I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
