it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
