Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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