So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
