i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Randomize
