Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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