just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
nutella sex= disaster
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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