It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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