'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
