Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
