So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
