People in love make me want to vomit
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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