remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Randomize
