Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
