I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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