I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
