Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
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