it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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