Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
