i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
His nipple licking is glorious
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