so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
