your parents love me but you hate me
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
