Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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