I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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