Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
