do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
