You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can't trust your balls anymore.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
