You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
being pregnant is like rehab
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
