I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
