How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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