he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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