is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
