we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
