Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize