she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
