Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
