Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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