did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
