mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
