I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
