The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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