My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
