So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
