they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
