Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
