You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm too high and old for this...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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