pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
