Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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