dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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