i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
