he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
