MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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