If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
