Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
