Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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