I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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