Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
