My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize