New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
