it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
