yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
