hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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