Yo dont text me then not text me
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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