if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
