another moral hangover. fuck.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
