it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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