this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
