no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
