I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
