I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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