Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
