Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
