I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
