your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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