if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
