allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize