i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
