The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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