We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
