we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
