Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
