If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
